Wharton and puppets sit in the boardroom playing World Cup monopoly
Wharton: For god sake who is it this time? If it's that donkey Sheldon send him away, he's getting £2.50 for washing my car and no more.
Holland: Its Mr Garcia Sir, should I let him in?
Wharton: Invite him in
Garcia: I'm sorry to bother you Mr Wharton but could we please discuss my new contract now?
Wharton: Very well, have you brought your agent?
Garcia: I no longer have an agent, he has sworn never to visit Glanford Park again after Mr Laws threatened to smack him ain reponse tto asking him advice on how to combat his nervousness.
Wharton: OK Alex, tell us your desired terms and conditions
Garcia: Well I would like a two year contract on my present wages
Wharton: Very well, but first you must prove you are worthy of another contract
Wharton: You must run around the pitch 1000 times.
(Garcia smirks as he leaves the boardroom and does 1000 laps around the pitch without even breaking sweat.)
Wharton: Well done Mr Garcia
Garcia: Where do I sign?
Wharton: That was just the first part of the deal Mr Garcia, now for part two, get down and give me 10000 sit ups.
(Garcia gets down and does 10000 sit ups without cursing even once.)
Wharton: Your fitness astounds me Mr Garcia, Lee Hodges only managed to do seven! Now for your final challenge, you must go to Steve Torpey and tell him you think he is a vital cog in the Scunthorpe United machine.
Garcia: Mr Wharton, you go too far!
Wharton: We all have to tell a lie once in a while
(Garcia goes to find Torps, Garcia searches everywhere and finally finds Torps in Brian Laws office out of breath and red with embarrassment)
(Garcia lies to Torpey so that he can get away from Lawsy's office and signs the new contract.)
OK maybe this isn't a true reflection of Alex's contract negotiations, maybe it is!
The fact remains that the fans want Garcia at the club next season as was emphasised on Garcia day but for some reason unknown to the fans Mr Wharton and his puppets are stalling. Alex has said he wants to stay at the club, everyone knows Alex wants to stay at the club. What's the problem?
Does Sir Alex have three greedy brothers as his agents? Is Alex, Barrie Thomas in disguise and Steve Wharton really the ghost of his father ? Send your answers to:
firstname.lastname@example.org Help solve the great mystery!
I have no doubt that Garcia will still be a Scunthorpe player next season but Alex is being insulted. The board should be begging Alex to stay and give him the new contract he deserves. Mr Wharton, just sign him up!!!!!!!